Fear

I'm scared.

I'm scared of a lot of things. I don't say I'm scared though becasue men aren't supposed to be scared of stuff. Well I am. I'm scared of  rational things like death and spiders, and irrational things like power outages, and automatic toilets.

I'm scared of bugs in my hair.
I am scared of the dark.
I am terrified of leaving even though it's coming soon.
Scared of straws getting stuck in my throat and scratching the back of my mouth.
I'm scared of worms. Earthworms, heartworms, flatworms...etc.
I am scared of having too many fears.

I'm scared of waking up and having nothing. 

I am scared of what people think about me.
I am scared of running out of new things to try.
I am scared that I will always be who I am right now. 

I'm scared that one day, I won't be able to control my anxiety.

I feel like someone is watching me right now.

I am scared of Marijuana 

I am scared that Girls won't get around to liking me.
I am scared that things won't mean anything to me anymore.
I am scared that everything I have, all the moments I have collected will disappear. And I'll know they are there, but I won't be able to get them back.
I'm so scared all the time.

I'm scared of the outside world and not being able to fit, because we were all born on third base. Not having the experience that I need, to know how to use a doctor's office, or a Redbox machine, or how to use the emergency room when I most desperately need it, or not knowing how to use a train, or a school registration process. I am scared of making promises. I am scared to break another fucking promise that I knew I couldn't keep in the first place, but made it anyway so you would be impressed with how much I know.

They tell me to allow my fears to control my body for 10 seconds. And I won't be scared anymore.
But I'm scared of first steps in new directions. So I'll bottle up these fears and keep them to hurt someone another day, for a rainy day when I least expect it. The bottle will break and I'll lose it.
And I'll lose you. 

and you,
and you,
and you,
and you...

I am scared to say 'I love you'. 

I am scared that I will run out of words.

I am scared. 
I don't want to be scared.
But I always will be.